hoping for a silver lining

back again!! not for the good though (those who've read my first blog would definitely think so) .what a messed up life.as Ive said its a way i allow locked up feelings to be vented before they allow me to turn into one grieving grumpy person.its important so that the atmosphere at home remains good therefore for sake of a fellow beings domestic bliss please endure this monstrosity am subjecting you too.last blog or rather in the noon i spoke about how pissed off i was with the establishment. no this is no anti est rant but a personal opinion of how screwed up the system is even more when hours of toiling doesn't get you a logical result.you see even if one fails there ought to be a reason or areas where to improve but when none are visible then it gets frustrating .its like shooting in the dark ,only the long delays and apathy makes it worse.or rather the family's bleak financial situation, degrading health of the mother and granny and various loans to be repaid.but as Ive read god puts you through it only because hes given you the courage to go through it.maybe some people are born with responsibilities and the more you think of them as to how to go about them the more you'll be buried by the burden similar to a quicksand. being at sea teaches you one thing for sure .the only person who'll be with you during bad times is you only.everyone laughs with you but when you're down even the closest of pals fade away.somehow become too busy to meet you .but then that's how the world works. lessons learned at sea are hard and because there is no friend or family around there is no false consolation of everything becoming right .you learn to believe in yourself in a rough manner because the only way things become right is by your own actions carefully thought over and carried out with full conviction.the most difficult lesson the sea teaches you esp as an officer is being decisive.taking them and being ready to be held fully responsible for their outcome .if good things are normal so don't expect a pat on your back just be relieved hinds were spared this time else be ready to get skinned.lots of problems at home and my foggy career prospects do worry me at time but i guess"When he puts you to it he'll put you through it"