JIBBERISH CONTINNUUM

FINALLYYYY!!! the page loaded and i hereby cease to use tethering any longer .
waiting for the result.listening to inbloom in loop.browsing through zenpencils and thinking whether i should start the del or not.
realised writing in point form i easier or is seems as of now
thought of going to buy books from nehru place dont see the point in paying so much money when knowledge should not be only for the rich
seem to be in activism mode
want to go traveling ,go to kasaul perhaps,try malana and the variety try an out of body experience
anyways,got my salary yesterday,want tot go and buy books but dont have th time to read them .
waiting to go back sailing so can put things staright at home

lots of thoughts ,and cobain sings again!!!

#GIBBERISH

applying the pyramid principle to the blog (as taught to all consultants,cant believe am using that word for my self).for a brief period of time i did like the idea of being a corporate and using buzzwords which seemed so cool.blessed was the class 4 exam which i gave (again!!) that no matter how much i enjoyed the presentation and the big talk(which i realize ) was hollow, there's nothing better than working at sea .another sickening thing i experienced was the politics and the emphasis on the presentation than the content.i wish i could share this on Facebook at least that would've lead to my boss firing me !!would want that to happen how so much i want to quit myself.another amusing thing is the importance these people give to thee so called concepts developed by class room bred academicians.i mean ,which practical person would give three hoots about them or were they present when any of the big business houses were being build .i feel they are taught just because something has to be told in order to fill the time which is generally filled by the non sense of consulting practices.

another disgusting practice is the undertaking of projects which they don't know anything about .its another thing to have learning mindset but its unethical to commit to a task which you don't know anything about neither do you intend to learn enough in order to help the other person.

if its just you who'll be affected then doesn't matter but we shouldn't jeopardize someones time and money to give them half baked information

coming to the present day.,another weekend goes waste ,lack of money,friends,choices and other important stuff to catch up with  means i stay at home for most of it barring the odd smoke trip to the market. but then it also gives me a chance write this blog and keep it alive. never realized the kind of joy writing can give .

anyways, working at this place introduced me to alot of cool websites ,results of befriending a typical geek.one of them being zenpencils.com,which is the coolest inspirational site iv ever come across.it just tells about the effort people have put to  take their dreams turn into realities and how possible it is to happen.

have few of my own and pray to god everyday to provide me with the conviction and the courage to go beyond what i feel is my limit and achieve what i intend to .

hope he listens and answers my prayers.after all i know i have the will he needs to show me the way ahead .

also excited to meeet my nephew(know that sounds gay,not that am homophobic but still,the next gen of drunkards is here and they need to be baptized by uncle ) 

another thing ,please excuse the grammatical errors or formatting as corporates call it.

DELUGE INFERIUM!!

though am a huge mumbai fan yet the monnsoons this city ofers is slightly beyond my appetitie.however if it werent for the supid corporate trap am stuck in id be spending some more days here smoking up or just chilling with the rain and a hot coffee.quite a respite from the sticky and irritaingf the capital offers.
but its not just the monsoons which are irritating ,the govt office i have to visit and the buffoonery is mindbogglingly and turns your head into a pin cushion.
though ive been very vocal about my aversion to a corporate job.little do i realise that am stuck in a typical job profile.talking to clients ,deliverable and the jazz(quite oxymoron ,considering how pleasant jazz is)however, the effort which goes into makeing a marlet report which we never bothered to read in clooege or the exclusive trade journals we hasd accesss to in college nopw seem excuisite when i have to do it myself.
thats as much praise for the job i can gather .rest i still think a corporate job sucks.firstly,you loo into a desk for almost 13 hrs a day and pretend you're living a good life.for someone whose been to sea its not a comfortable position .moreoevr the buz words do get to you after some time.
STRUCTURE           ALIGNMENT       TOP DOWN    BOTTOM UP   INSIDE OUT
they're nauseating and don't know who bothered to sit and think about it.apparently they represent the holy grail for consultants ,which i am currently till i get back to sea and get some oil on my hands.
also the money ,the glamour belies the salaries juniors get while thier seniors walk away with commisons and bonuses with the grunt work you put in.so its more about the politics than the merit.quite a broad classification but still.
apart from that trying to make non shipping people explain how it works makes me loose hair every day.the fact that they consider it easy to understand is an example of their naivety .if it were so simple clarksons ,drewry and the likes would not have been shelling out packages to their analyst and consultants like they are doing now.

Firstly thank you mr phton for the godspeed ypu endow my work with.10 min for this tab to open is not much of a time .
ok so last times blog was mostly a stress venting excercise( when isnt it?).nevrmind.
well i find myself today in a very precarious situation as of now. my corporate career seems to be in doldrums with me trying to bite more than i could chew.good lesson to learn.however, what i did was fun.trying to build a pricing model for matime LNG which almost all the brokers said they dint know anything about and those who knew wont talk without being paid.niether would i!!its all about the idea after all.
my colleagues who apparently have no knowledge of whatever i do are acting as my sparring partners .basically babysitting me until my boss arrives. its very frustrating to work with someone who believes in the broader picture and doesn't believe in the concept of finding the lacunaes in the system in ordr tp provide a solution.i thought consultant and analyst while writing expensive reports provide their own analysis and data modelling.but what  it is just a better organized college assignment which is marketed and sold in a manner makeing it  a source of profound knowledge and business insight.

so when you talk about doing something new theres alot of resistance and those comforatble in thier seats would never wnat it to happen or will never help you do it .i dont feel bad about it coz people such as these make you realize youre doing something right or atleast youre going to sleep peacefully bcause you did what you believd in .

my switch to a corporate job has changed my perception about life completely and sailing just doesn't seem like a career option now .its like a side income source and excuse to stay away from home as well.made me realize the satisfaction a start up can bring to your life just anything small .entrepreneurship is not that bad after all.could started my own thing had there been some help .but my current financial credibility doesn't allow me that luxury either so have to go back to sea and come back get the house repaired etc and other shit!!

PS :dont listen to All India Bakchods in the metro .ppl standing around will think youre crazy

IN TRANSIT

mumbai has to wait for now.thanks to the amazingly fast railways website which Ive been trying to access for the last two hours. not that it disappointing all the time .it has proved worthy of the millions spent over it but nevertheless it proves quite useless as of now. Ive been travelling a lot by train (when things were better at home there was no question of it as taking a flight seemed the only option but  times change) .though long and tiresome they allow me privacy and the luxury to get buried into my thoughts, read a book listen to music without anyone calling out for me.add to that getting down and hogging at the fried fare at stations.or the flavoured milk in baroda , biryai at a station just before pune.in the process you also get to see small towns which you never hear of but are amazed at the modernisation deep within the interiors. however it is the bus journeys which are most enjoyable never mind the fact you have to wait for a smoke but  otherwise the constant buzz of the engine and the sights and sounds of the hypnotic hillsides are irreplaceable by the comfort and speed of the railways. cant afford an enfield but always wish i would in the future as i perceive it to be an amazing mode of transport if you're the sorts for whom the journey is more enchanting than the destination. Ive grown even more fond of my concept of travelling ever since i read "walk across America".very clearly does the author express his true intention of his still ensuing travel.to know himself better which a normal family setting and city influences doesn't allow as they guide more towards it wants you to be rather than what you're supposed to be. however this means forgetting about your responsibilities and other stuff (including bitchy friends and judging relatives) which doesn't seem possible for me but i guess ill definitely go wandering once there's some moolah to keep the family happy and pay off all dues and loans.lets hope it happens fast.

MAXIMUM CITY INDEED!!

Mumbai has this sheer enormity which absorbs anyone coming to it.though it doesn't extend an open armed welcome but yet it blows you away with its speed of life and  carefree attitude.i v never heard mumbaikars being concerned about what you wear where you live or where you hang out.true some reservations are always there.after all its a materialistic world but compared to the snobbery experienced in the capital Mumbai is always a welcome change. one of the best part about Mumbai are the cheap and amazing irani restaurants which have generation after generation served the most amazing non veg fare . the few places where you feel at ease in the sweltering humid summers of a coastal city yet the easy going ,unassuming nature of these places put you at ease immediately.
bade mians though i guess is nothing more than an overpriced shit hole!!compared to the amazing stuff outside bandra station or at baghdadis or the innumerable joints in haji ali area. anyways, apart from these as an engineer unwilling to work in a office and wanting to get my hands dirty(not really) mumbai has well connected industrial areas around and within which though is a major reason for the pollution yet also provides employment to millions of workers and professionals who otherwise would be rusting their skills and pushing paper over pen (its a terrifying though .writing is a more of an expression and if god forbid have to do it for a living id never have words to express ever.not that i am eloquent now but still.)

MAXIMUM CITY INDEED!!

planning for Mumbai again. whatever be the reason ,ive always enjoyed going to mumbai. though theres always been a mumbai -delhi war ever since i came to senses.even blood relatives picking on each other actually leading to major fights(been there done that). but still, the feel of a local cannot be matched by the comparatively luxurious and boring Delhi metro. the only thing bordering on entertainment or culture on a metro would be a surdy playing lecher songs on his expensive cellphone or bhojpuri songs emanating from some bhaiyas cellphone(though its nice coz they dont realize youre not allowed to play music on the metro )but nothing compares to hour long performances mandlis put in a packed local .so powerful and absorbing it is that you'll be forcing yourself to get down at your destination.that apart the newspaper vendors,singdanas and other stream of vendors make even the most mundane journeys lively. that apart its the people of mumbai which want you to come back there again and again.the sheer vivacity and will to keep on living unaffected by disaster or tragedy (though Delhi has its moments in showing its resolute and united face). my reason s to visit mumbai have been work related but then theres never been an instance when ive overstayed just to enjoy a few extra vada pavs and cuttings which are the cheapest form of  evening hang out i have ever seen.not to mention the speed of service and the amazing weather mumbai generally has compared to the extremes up here. lot of people go to Mumbai to look at the sea but being a seafarer  whenever i look at the ocean its seems like homecoming .the free unopposed wind and the crystal clear skies(none of this is there in Mumbai thanks to the pollution.)

HINDUISM!!

for a hindu the ultimate act of faith,as described by our gods is to perform our actions in line with our own conscience and forget about the result .if it harms someone then it is the others choice to harm you back and he is entitled to do so.with such an open definition of  dharma i wonder how we hav today come to formulate and follow rigid traditions in the name of our religion. though i will not deny the thousands of conversions to other faiths and continuous malignant of Hindus by Muslim leaders is painful but then it is their choice .however as a Hindu it is up to me how i interpret my dharma and act accordingly.
when i read the epics in our religion it often amazes me how forward thinking our ancestors were and how open the society was.it is described as a system where everyone's work was the foremost tenet and rest came later.it was a society where men and women both were judged by the same yardstick and allowed to indulge in similar excesses.this in the vedic ages which is prominently mentioned in valmikis Ramayana.but in today's society when we talk of such things it is considered immoral as it threatens to liberate people from the shackles of mindless authority and traditions.the more we try to embrace the deeper we dig ourselves into this pit of hopeless faith.
biggest example of our hypocrisy is censorship in arts ,literature and music citing hurting of religious sentiments(though Muslims are the biggest culprits yet we also enjoy a piece of the cake). if it were for the explicit descriptions of intimacy then the kamasutra and the temples of khajuraoh should be razed down (if Muslim rulers  had their way they would've done it here too) .texts describing thousand concubines of our gods and erstwhile rulers should be burned.maybe this is why today the original Ramayana is inaccessible to the common man as it would provide a diff version than the pious one we've brain fed all these years.

HINDUISM!!

being a hindu has been a source of confusion for me rather than a path to spirituality as the fairer races assume.i have been a part of the generation which grew up witnessing the horrors of 93, godhra riots , regressive hindutva ideology and divisions based on caste. having friends from diff communities following different tenets to live their lives forces me to look closer into my own religious beliefs.
i have been to a few pilgrimage places but never to the major ones.mostly because of a rational approach towards travelling ( i still yearn to satiate my wanderlust but somehow these places kick up the forever rational ship engineer in me thereby culling the thought at its nib).so id rather introspect and allow the current social structure to influence me as i express my views on the oldest living religion on earth.though am no scholar or even a liberal arts student yet this curiosity stems from the longing to understand ones religion and beliefs rather than following them.i belong to the arya samaj sect of Hindus but my grandmother and mother dint come from the same so we have a temple at home to and regular perform puja and offer our deities. however the arya samaj doesn't believe so. it completely abominates idol worship or any kind of offering to it to the extent that as followers we are not even allowed to enter temples which propagate the thought of man made idols assuming the place of tenets of hinduism. it is with this point of view that i start to ponder as to how hollow has become the beliefs of hindus over the past centuries.right from exploitation based on caste system or regressive attitude towards new thoughts or for that matter raising temples and performing pujas to hide ones black money or for penance when the same could be used to fund or feed millions of children across the country. hinduism is essentially a way of life flexible and non conforming unlike Islam or Christianity. this is best exemplified by the four akharas across the country where Hindu sages prefer to live in perpetual trance and at the same time detach themselves from all worldly temptations following what is right which also is their own prerogative as hinduism clearly states that each one to decide his ow dharma nd act accordingly.thereby banishing any claim over rigid traditions which today we have used to replace the iron will required to do what is right by allowing mindless and regressive practices to represent our faith.

wanderlust

the topic would suggest about me talking of my adventures as a traveler or rather lack of them but to disappoint you, without any regret, no it wont. wanderlust is a longing to travel (that's how good my vocab is,engineering and staying at sea doesn't do wonders for the literary skills) without any destination.it is about the travel and its experience rather than the destination.now since iam broke and condition at home is bad so there's no point planing an escapade.therefore as of now all my travel fantasies or this wanderlust of mine remains confined to this blog. when i first went to sea i remember the horror i faced of being cut off from family ,friends and facebook(yes as important then)but gradually i realized that the feeling of being in the middle of nowhere with just a cool sea breeze and a day of excruciating hard work behind you is more than what anyone can ask for. as for family and friends .you know your parents would still be there and friends are as Ive said temporary.so having liberated my self from these emotional shackles made it easier to appreciate the aphrodisiac the open sea is. living at home or working in an office ill never get to see something like that.though once home i always want to go to the mountains.coz i hate the hot blazing sun (being an engineer am usd to insanely hot temperatures but i hate being under the sun) and love the serenity the hills offer.who doesn't actually.the last time i went was with my family and you can very well imagine the extent to which i could've satiated my travel lust with my large Punjabi family(not the typical sorts considering our forces and shipping backgrounds, but still). the act of packing a spare tshirt, charged ipod and a good book to read into the back pack and deciding where to go once you reach the bus terminal is something Ive always wanted to do .have done it once but it was rafting at rishikesh and that does not count as traveling when you're more worried about going back home rather than discovering new places.so id rather rant about my inability to travel through a blog than subject my family or friends o this torture.

hoping for a silver lining

back again!! not for the good though (those who've read my first blog would definitely think so) .what a messed up life.as Ive said its a way i allow locked up feelings to be vented before they allow me to turn into one grieving grumpy person.its important so that the atmosphere at home remains good therefore for sake of a fellow beings domestic bliss please endure this monstrosity am subjecting you too.last blog or rather in the noon i spoke about how pissed off i was with the establishment. no this is no anti est rant but a personal opinion of how screwed up the system is even more when hours of toiling doesn't get you a logical result.you see even if one fails there ought to be a reason or areas where to improve but when none are visible then it gets frustrating .its like shooting in the dark ,only the long delays and apathy makes it worse.or rather the family's bleak financial situation, degrading health of the mother and granny and various loans to be repaid.but as Ive read god puts you through it only because hes given you the courage to go through it.maybe some people are born with responsibilities and the more you think of them as to how to go about them the more you'll be buried by the burden similar to a quicksand. being at sea teaches you one thing for sure .the only person who'll be with you during bad times is you only.everyone laughs with you but when you're down even the closest of pals fade away.somehow become too busy to meet you .but then that's how the world works. lessons learned at sea are hard and because there is no friend or family around there is no false consolation of everything becoming right .you learn to believe in yourself in a rough manner because the only way things become right is by your own actions carefully thought over and carried out with full conviction.the most difficult lesson the sea teaches you esp as an officer is being decisive.taking them and being ready to be held fully responsible for their outcome .if good things are normal so don't expect a pat on your back just be relieved hinds were spared this time else be ready to get skinned.lots of problems at home and my foggy career prospects do worry me at time but i guess"When he puts you to it he'll put you through it"

Ah!!the freedom to say or rather write what you feel without the repercussions of  an amazing appraisal(what a beautiful memory!!),a discourse on responsibility and relationships(middle of it AS of this moment) and being banished from social circles(don't mind this considering the money required to spend at overpriced and obnoxious joints.RAASTA you take away the honors .actually lot of places in Delhi or rather Mumbai do). so without any of the above impediments to my right to speech guaranteed by some section and some article( engineering doesn't include much of verbal communication hence we ,the engineers, simply ignore them-the rights). now ,for the last one year i am appearing for a very tough ,irregular,indefinite,inconsistent type of exams for which even IAS level officers are unable to explain the passing criteria. woh bhi theek hai ,but at least give us the results after the stipulated 45 days. wo  bhi nahi.it comes after a good 4 months with everything but one subject left.for the uninitiated there are 6 written s and 4 viva. i forgot to tell this is about exams conducted for MEO class 4 .MEO bole to marine engineering officer. kind of officers who are so humble that they even listen to a boar like demon at the Mumbai MMD . fellow colleagues will recall for all those who haven't been there or have heard of it.you'll see him and recognise.
yes, so i was talking about these delays in declaring the results. ab govt to mai baap hai .kya bole.so out of frustration i decided to try for a shore job instead.you see being employed and without work is the same condition as being drunk and calling your ex (not really but bhavnaon ko samjho). i made a CV and wrote a cover letter in full corporate ishtyle. believe me id rather operate an incinerator that do it again or  rather sail for the rest of my life.yeh chodo.i was telling you about this CV and cover letter which after continuous inputs from a friend studying at a very prestigious b-school(mazak nahi sachi main!!) i finally was done with it.then started the application process.now i thought in corporate culture you have to be very professional and to the point( bahut bhari blunder kar diye).so i politely enquired about the respective job openings to the person picking up the phone(in the HR dept off course).they ask you questions which make you feel as if  you'll responsible for national security.
then after everything is over they say your profile does not match.merko kya timepass karne ko bulaya tha!!.but what amazed me were the no of MBAs sitting for the interviews.i could actually imagine 12-13 lakhs of money being wasted multiplied by the no of candidates".to the point" ki to dhajiya uda di inhone .if uve ever worked on a ship or used to a high-pressure,high risk job(feels good to  brag!!)then ull understand TO THE POINT kis chidiya ka naam hai.ab samajh aata hai aaj kal mba itne kaise ho gaye.ek cheez ko 4 bar likh kar pass hojate hain.but i guess that's what corporate culture is all about(though this blog is nothing different but still). you must be wondering how biased against  the corporates am i .no iam biased.that is a feeling when you have another party or argument to consider. so i genuinely hate it .that aside after continuous encounters with same people at diff places i realised with lesser salary and no leave and not so honest fellow workers why would i want to leave the sea and be a part of this horde of noose bearing culture.no disrespect to those who do it daya after day rather respect.dint realise its so tough to earn on land .no not the work part u guys still suck at it.everything else.chalo itna abhi rest of it later